If You Have to be a Wanker...

... then do it right.

I would suggest that once you send in the gorillas to 'handle' an 82 year old man, then you are defintely a wanker. See... it's kinda like crossing a Rubicon, for those of you with a classical historical bent. You know, if you want to be a not-wanker then - don't bully old people. Don't steal candy from babies. Don't flip your blind girlfriend the bird as you tell her you love her. And don't kill Bambi.

If, on the other hand, you choose to be a wanker... Know yourself, my friend. Be out. Be proud.

That's why the Labour Party's apology to Walter Wolfgang is just so much b.s. They set the goon squad on an 82 year old who fought Nazis, for Chrissakes. Whatever cuddly image there was - it's over. The mask has slipped. The clown has been caught exposing himself to the birthday boy. It's no more Mr Nice Guy. So don't apologise - tell him to go fuck himself. In fact, Tony Blair should send some guys to his hotel room at 3 in the morning to pin him down while they chuck his dentures in the loo. Then Blair should go on national TV and tell anyone else who wants to disagree with him that he'll cut their disability allowance or something. Little girl at a Primary School visit looks at the PM the wrong way? He needs to ask what business it is of hers, then head butt her and stare at the rest of the class in the pindrop silence that reigns demanding "who else wants to know".

In fact, amongst the caramel-tanned apprachicks sharing the podium with their rictus smiles the only one who seems to get it is John Reid. A true thug - but quite content with his thuggishness. Indeed, his welcome to Walter, re-accredited and back in the hall was a classic unveiled threat - "Hi Walter, shout out if you're here... Or perhaps you shouldn't" - was a simple, but effective example of the "watch your back, buddy" or the "see, there's some very bad guys you need protection from" variety.

And there you go, it's really not hard being a cunt.

And as for all the rest of you political cyborgs - go all the way, dickheads, because you ain't fooling any of us anymore.

Cue Who song, fade all the way to end.