Get Real (... but not Madrid)

By tomorrow Malcolm Glazer will be owner of Manchested United and a pretty much inexorable chain of events – certainly since last year and most would say pretty much ever since the club was floated in 1991 – has now reached its conclusion. Despite everyone’s wishes – Man United supporters, their board and everyone else in the country who normally can’t stand the club – the club will assume $250 million of debt, get sold to a man who knows nothing of football and for better or worse leave behind community-based football club status to finally evolve into a fully fledged, bottom-line, profit making, brand machine. For better if Glazer’s professional advice is correct and he makes a shit ton of money out of this – which is the only reason he’s here to play – for worse if things move in unexpected ways, forecast not be met and the brand suffers. Unexpected? Unpredictable? Hey, welcome to European football. If you want to learn about best laid plans etc, just have a word with a Mr Perez over at Real Madrid.

Many people have commented on how the United fans need to get a reality check, how once the club was floated it became a business to be bought and sold. And that’s right. If they’d thought about all this a bit sooner then they could have figured out a way to tie up 25% of the stock and thwart raiders like Glazer. But I say, Mr Glazer needs a reality check too. The man's famously gnomic, he barely reveals him
self to the light of day so it’s hard to say exactly what he’s thinking but I guarantee this: he’s thinking this is a business deal, pure and simple. He’s seen a potential profit margin - no doubt huge - and he’s out to make it. But here’s the thing, football isn’t so clear. That’s why it’s never been successful in America, where they like their sports glitzy, loud and obvious. In football, the best team often loses. In football, signings that appear foolproof on paper turn out to be horrendous mistakes. And this applies doubly off the pitch as on it. Look at Leeds United, who went from Champions League to mid-table 1st Div. in four years. It would be a brave man who could guarantee “this will never happen to us” and perhaps as some of his research Mr Glazer – or more specifically his son – can have a dossier drawn up around the phrase: “too good to go down”. Hell, I’ll save them the effort: there is no team that is too good to go down. Now I’m not saying Man United are going to get relegated next season. But it’s not unlikely they may have another disappointing season. Or, worse, that this might be the end of a cycle for them. That cycle of success that began with Fergie winning the FA cup in 1990 and climaxed in Barcelona in 1999.

Another thing, if Mr Glazer was under the impression that, after a few teething problems, he could soon settle into the kind of relationship that Roman Ambramovch now holds with his supporters – undiluted love – then he ‘s horribly misread his own position and the game. Ambrovich’s intention in buying Chelsea had nothing to do with business. Ambrovich had his own uses for Chelsea - but never as a profit-making enterprise. He was aware that he had to switch his resources out of Russia pretty fast, and also cover his back. Preferably by making himself indispensable to another nation with few extradition agreements with Russia. Therefore he took the ingenious move of saving a major UK football team from massive debt, turning them into global contenders and securing the undying love of a large amount of Londoners at the same time. Try and extradite me now, Mr Putin.

Ambrovich – previously as much of a recluse as Glazer – bought Chelsea to get popular, not to get rich. And it’s worth noting that all the things he’s done to secure this popularity – and revolutionise Chelsea – have been poor business decisions. I’d be surprised if the Glazers would be convinced to shell out £24 million on a player like Didier Drogba for example. Or let players hang around so long whilst still playing their wages.

The third thing is, the fans. America has nothing like an English League football supporter - except possibly in some of their maxim security insane asylums – so, whatever he thinks he knows Glazer is in for an education here. An education in obsession, devotion and sheer bloody intensity. Many of these people would destroy their club in order to save it and he better hope they’re significantly outnumbered by the branded-apparel buying consumer zombies he so hopes to find. This is where I think that the Glazers may be most naïve. They think they’ve bought a business, plain and simple. That’s what they’re used to, that’s the American way and on paper that’s just what they’ve done. But they haven’t. they’ve bought an entire culture of life and death. They’ve bought what is pretty much a religion for hundreds of thousands of people. Manchester United is what they live for. It’s what their fathers lived for and it’s what their children will live for. Their families – may – be the only things more important in their lives because let me tell you, their country certainly isn’t. If Glazer hasn’t factored this massive collective devotion into his forecasts then he’s in for a bumpy ride. And parallels with recent American history are too obvious to state.

In the 40s this would have been classic Ealing comedy material: the big American tycoon waltzes into Manchesterburg and is finally outwitted by the honest-to-goodness wiles of the local citizenry. It all ends with him drinking a cuppa down in Mother Smith’s house while the supporters secretly take the stadium down and hide it piece by piece in their back gardens. However, this is not the 40s and I imagine that while the honest-to-goodness citizenry are shrewd, their readiness to fight nasty is considerably better-developed.

May you live in interesting times, indeed. It will be fascinating to see where all this goes.